Hello Friends,
Here are my latest thoughts on life and how God is still working on me...
I have something to admit, even though if you have spent any time around me, you probably already know this, but I am bad at making decisions. I am bad at making decisions when I hold little to no investment in the outcome and I am bad at making decisions when I care so much about what happens. So, I have decided to accept that I am bad at making decisions.
I have some decisions to make that are very important to me and I honestly don’t know how to make them. Part of what makes it so hard for me is the fact that I think there is a right answer and somehow I am going to choose the wrong thing. I am going to mess it up if it is all left up to me and I don’t think that is something I can bear.
God has been breaking down some lies that have sneaked into my brain and life lately and replacing them with His Truth. Lies that tell me I have to make the right choice, that there even is a right choice, that I can somehow mess it up so bad that it is no longer redeemable, that the decision determines or hinders my standing in front of Him. That sounds so silly when I say them out loud. And I am so thankful for a Jesus that will not let me continue to think these things. For one that takes the time to turn my stubborn heart back to His. For one that let’s His life determine who I am.
What I have learned and am learning to put into practice is that there might not be a “right” choice and there is no way that I am not going to mess it up anyway. No matter what I chose, God is going to redeem it and use it for His glory. That’s what He does. That’s who He is. I have been learning to dream and think big and great things about God again. I feel like I had lost the ability to think that way about God for a while, to think that He was capable or looking out for me or good or trustworthy. Again, it just seems so silly when I admit it. Good thing God is not intimidated by what I wrongly accuse Him of and is willing to pursue me in the midst of all these questions and doubts.
As I start to trust more and believe that God has something planned for me, I have seen some doors open to what could be in the future. Lately I have felt a sort of tugging on my heart to venture overseas again. I believe this is something that God has called me to in my life and I never quite know what to make of it. Sometimes the feelings are stronger than others, and now is one of those times. I have begun to pursue things of this nature, both long and short term, and hope that God continues to lead me in this.
Pray that I would continue to trust God in all areas of my life, that I will listen to Him and have the courage to follow where He is leading me. Pray that God would give me His dreams for my future and that I would not let my limitations, doubts, or fears hold me back.
Thanks for listening. Please let me know the ways I can be praying for you as well!
